Dating in the 2020s

When I was a teenager (I’m 37 now) dating was something that was fun. Sneaking a look across a room, your heart starts beating fast or the thought of the guy kissing you was enough to cause one to have a mini heart attack.

And when you were dating, guys actually took the time to get to know you. There were numerous dates and build-ups, till they held your hand or even tried to kiss you.

What the hell has happened since then?

I’m not sure if it’s soley because of dating apps, but finding a decent guy these days is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Here’s how the steps go for modern online dating

Step 1- The Profile

First, you need to find a profile that’s pleasing to you. Looks-wise as well as personality and education. If they match up with the criteria you’re looking for then they get a right swipe.

Step 2- Talking

After you match you make the painstaking effort of actually talking to people. This can be a bit tricky as you’re trying to gage people’s personalities from text messages on apps, and some people are not good with texting.

Some people also will come across as pushy, and immediately demand your Instagram, Snapchat account, or even your WhatsApp number.

If you don’t give it to them they get annoyed and irritated and most often don’t understand why you don’t want to share your personal details so soon with a complete stranger (needless to say these people are immediately deleted.)

If you do manage to have a decent conversation for a few weeks, and the person doesn’t come across as weird as f**k then you move to the next stage.

(Side note, a big issue is that people may just say anything, or agree with you for the sole purpose of meeting you. It might because they’re bored, lonely, and horny or a deadly combination of all 3!)

Step 3- Meeting

This is also tricky, cause ultimately you’re meeting a complete stranger for the first time. So I always try to meet at a reasonable hour, say post work on a weekday in a public place like a coffee shop. If it’s a weekend I try to meet during the day, again in a public place for a coffee.

Now you can see what the person actually looks like if they lied about anything or were heavily filtred in their pics. You also can find out if they have much of a personality and can carry a conversation or not.

My issue with step 3 and beyond is the pace at which people take things. It’s not that I’m a prude or anything but physical intimacy on a first date is a bit much for me. My friends tell me if you meet a guy on an app, it’s normal he’d make a move on a first date, but really what’s the rush?

Is it the fact that they don’t want to waste time getting to actually know a person, or are they just super desperate? If anyone actually knows, please do keep me in the loop of what the reality is. Also if you do know where I can meet kind and respectful men who are looking for a commitment and are ok taking things slow, please do let me know!

So to all those married people or people in committed relationships who are envious of single people, please don’t be, we’re stuck in this crazy minefield called dating.